Words by Bettie Bang Bang | Photographs by Katia Schwartz
Content Warning: This article explores losing loved ones, and may be triggering to some readers.
Grief is a really strange thing.
It takes over your entire body, leaving you numb to the world and everything you once considered normal. It makes everything seem foreign, like nothing works anymore the way it used to.
We experience grief in many different ways during our lives - from the breakdown of a relationship, loss off a job, way of life or to the death of a loved one. Sometimes it’s expected, and sometimes it comes as a complete surprise.
Recently, I lost two uncles in one week. One Uncle was very sick, and had been for a long time. He was my Dad’s brother, and luckily for most of his family, they had said their goodbyes before he passed. The other Uncle was my Mum’s brother, and his death completely rocked our world when we were told on the day of my Dad’s brother’s funeral. He was the driver of an Express Train from Sydney to Melbourne that derailed unexpectedly, killing him and one other person, sparing the lives of the 150 other passengers onboard. I truly believe that due to his experience and skill from driving trains for the past 40 years, that when the train derailed, he knew exactly how to handle it to minimise the deaths onboard.
The grieving process for me was incredibly hard - add the fact that I was preparing to discharge from the Navy, and now a global pandemic, it’s definitely been a rough few weeks. Many of us have been forced to live our lives much differently than we previously did. Having an uncertain future and the possibility of lost income is something that a lot of us grieve - sometimes we don’t even know how to deal with these feelings and just try to push through the best we can.
We will all deal with grief in so many different ways, but for myself I found that dancing and instructing at Sky Sirens really allowed me to process the grief a little easier. Focusing on something I love doing, whilst still allowing myself to feel the sadness and pain that I felt, has been extremely beneficial and a very positive way of dealing with how I felt.
Here’s a few ways that made the whole process a little easier for me, and I hope it will help with yours also:
As many of you know, I instruct burlesque and feather fan dancing at Sky Sirens, so taking a Babydoll Pole course was VERY different for me. During the initial stages of grieving, I really benefited from going into the studio and practising the routine I had been taught and tricks I was learning. I forced myself to keep pushing myself (in a totally positive way) to get through the routine, point my toes more and stay on the pole for longer. Smashing this out for an hour each day took my mind off things and focused my energy on something else. Why not learn something new by purchasing one of our online classes?
During the grieving process, it’s really hard to focus on creating anything. I went into a low, dark place during the first couple of weeks where all I wanted to do was cry. But forcing myself to create a new transition with my fans, or new floor work allowed me to come out of my headspace for a little while. Once I had gotten somewhere with my technique, I realised that dancing is like therapy - you do a lot of soul searching just to try and come to terms with things, but dancing through the pain, anger and sadness takes strength, courage and a will to get through.
During my term in Babydoll Pole, and now in Pearls Pole, I have been amongst other students who are learning and trying new things. I’ve found that during these times, I’ve been able to make new connections with people and chat with them about how they are picking up skill sets and enjoying the routine. This has allowed me to network with others, find a common ground and be around other people that are eager to learn. In the middle of a pandemic, maintaining these connections is challenging. Try to engage in our Student Group (or other groups on Social Media), Video chat with friends and family regularly to keep in touch and connected.
The coming weeks and months are uncertain, and that can be quite worrying. But one thing to keep in mind is that we are all going through this together. Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, or the loss of a job, please remember that you have a support network around you. It’s so important to keep in touch with each other (even if it’s through Skype), and to continue to dance, create and imagine. If you find yourself housebound, work on that routine you’ve wanted to do for the past five years, or have an online session with some of your peers to work on group choreography, or with an instructor to really fine tune an act.