Words by Amora Lau (she/her)| Images by Katia Schwartz & Mia Maraschino
I hit puberty when I was nine. I have the school pictures to prove it. Square glasses and acne all over my little face and by the time I left primary school I was taller than most girls and sported a size G bra. I always felt out of place and uncomfortable in my body. In every magazine, in every shop I had ever seen I had never seen anyone be celebrated while looking like me. Bumpy skin, covered in acne, Plus sized and a woman of colour?
I saw no one like me who was happy and confident - and I couldn't help but compare myself to others.
Companies telling me to conceal my “flaws’ with their products and my mother blaming me for my genetic acne just made me want to hide and be unnoticed. I felt so ashamed of my body because I didn’t look like my peers. They had a pimple or two on their face every so often, but my face was covered in big red pimples and piles of blackheads. To add insult to injury, I have acne not just on my face but on my shoulders, upper arms, upper back, armpits, inner thighs and even in my pubic area. I shrugged it all off saying that I didn’t care about my looks but deep inside I cared a lot. I felt unlovable, unworthy of compliments and attention. I kind of just accepted that it wasn’t in the cards for me to ever feel confident or beautiful.
So how did I get from that insecure, unconfident girl to a burlesque babe gunning for her debut on a stage revealing most of my body to complete strangers?
I really don’t know.
It’s honestly been such a long and hard journey and sadly there is no easy fix. I wish there was a secret I could share with you that would take all those nasty thoughts and bad experiences about your wonderful body away. What I do have are some tips and tricks that will help guide you to more body love and body confidence.
Expose yourself! (It doesn’t have to be literal)
Before you can love your body, you have to like it (or at least accept it). I’ve found the best way to go about doing that is to look and appreciate our bodies for all they are. So often we focus on what we wish we had or what our bodies aren’t, that shifting our focus to one of gratitude and satisfaction in our bodies really changes how we see our physical form. Simple exercises such as looking at your whole body in the mirror (naked or otherwise) and saying thank you to the parts that you appreciate really helps change how you see and feel about your body. I know it is hard at times to look at yourself completely - I used to avoid mirrors like the plague when I was growing up. My solution? Take pictures of yourself and look at them! There is a group of Youtube videos by Maddie Dragsbaek called “how to take your best nudes” which I found personally very helpful. You are beautiful. There is no question.
Changing your perspective of your body really can change your whole view of yourself.
2. Surround yourself with beautiful people!
Surround your physical and online life with a diverse range of beautiful people, especially ones that look like you! The expectations you have on your body are learned from society (from a disturbingly young age) so don’t feed those negative insecure voices by reinforcing the rhetoric that there is only one type of beautiful. Surround yourself with a beautiful variety of people who are living and loving their truth and you’ll see that everyone and every body deserves to be loved and celebrated. You are not the exception. Your body deserves all the love in the world. A great way to put this love and appreciation into action is to compliment the people who we admire (for their physical or personality traits) whether online or off.
The simple act of putting the love and admiration we have for others into the world helps us see the incredible amount of beauty there is all around us.
Then you’ll see the beauty in yourself too.
3. Get in touch with yourself
Sometimes actions speak louder than words and we need to show love to ourselves before we can say it. Caressing your body gently and taking care of it physically can help us see how loveable we are.
Your body serves you to the best of its ability so use it to do the things that make you feel good.
Things like climbing a playground, dancing to Lizzo, cuddling with your animal friends, laying in the sun or masturbating can help you see how incredible your body is. I have found that incorporating simple habits of self-care have done wonders for loving my body as it is.
Whether it's making silly faces in the mirror when I brush my teeth, moisturizing my whole body after I shower or checking myself out in the mirror when I get ready for the day, making an effort to take care and appreciate yourself reinforces your body's inherent value and beauty.